i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
