The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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