You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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