You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
