one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
