the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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