So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize