sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize