Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
