I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
