So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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