I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
