My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
