Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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