We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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