he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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