so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
