Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
