Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize