miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
