absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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