my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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