Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can Purell be used as lube?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
