just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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