She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
