My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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