So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Let's get the cat blown out
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
