Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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