You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
