At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
