If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
