Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
