chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
