You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
