What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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