I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize