quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Randomize