Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
