Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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