i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
