I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
