Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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