Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
