naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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