She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize