We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
