i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
