Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
