I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I look better un-naked...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize