if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize