DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh god the rape fog is back!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize