im drinking this country out of the recession.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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