My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
