Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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