Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
