Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
