Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
