Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have demons in me.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
