if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
