i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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