got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up backwards on a recliner
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
