Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize