Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
