you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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