i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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