id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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