She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
